< You're on the side of the angels

That panic-inducing moment when you accidentally get into a college 

Let me begin with saying that I never applied to any universities. I sent in two applications but never turned in the transcripts or SAT scores or recommendations.

Let me also say that I have a 2.5 GPA, a standard diploma, a 1590 on my SATs, and a knack for failing classes. 

So. I’m lazy. So I’m not exactly what a college is looking forward to.

But I come back from hanging out with my friends and there it is. A fucking acceptance letter from Mary Baldwin College.

Oh no. Not any acceptance letter. Oh they’re giving me an ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP. A $12,000 a year sort of scholarship. With my in-state deduction it’ll take off $14,600. Leaving me with room and board for the same price as Riverside’s nursing program.

Which basically means fuck.

Which basically means I have to make a decision.

Which basically means everyone is really upset with me right now.

See, in any other family someone would be so happy their kid got into school.

But no. They didn’t know I applied.

And now my father’s mad at the possibility of me going to the same pretentious school as my mother, my brother’s mad because he feels like (and I quote) a “fucking failure” because he goes to TNCC WHERE I MIGHT END UP GOING ANYWAY, and my mother’s mad because it was always her dream for me to go to this school but now I might choose not to go, which just boggles her mind.

I don’t know.

I’m a six-year-old stuck in an eighteen-year-old’s body.

I don’t do things like this. I don’t go to college. I’m a slacker. I’m a fuck-up. I’m not this kid.

I don’t get along with people, I don’t like being away from my dad, I don’t like anything outside of my room. And people don’t like me. For good reason.

But I’ll be getting out of this town. If I stay I’ll be here for three to four more years. And what if I don’t like nursing? What if I decide I hate it? I’ll regret not going away. I’ll regret not being able to change my major like that.

And my brother comes in and says that I just seemed so into the nursing thing, and my dad is telling me to look at schedules, and my mum is telling me that she’s going to be late for church and Lauren and Eileen didn’t do their half of the project last week so I have exactly one day to finish it and I have can’t get out of class for second lunch and I can barely function without having a panic attack because I am a child and children should not have to make these decisions.

I’m a child.

I am.

I am that lazy arrogant bastard who sleeps in the back of class.

That’s my role.

I don’t know who this Olivia they sent this letter to but I am not her.



  1. professoralaska said: YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT, BROLIVIA. You don’t have to decide right this second. Don’t stress over something like college… They make it seem like a big deal, as if you can’t take your time and choose when you’re ready. College will always be there.
  2. alterkation said: GO. TO. MARY. BALDWIN.
  3. caleigh-rose said: it’s ok, no one cares if you go to college. i reccommend reading up on some coketalk, my friend.
  4. majorenglishesquire said: Chill. Bask in how really cool it is for a second before you lose your shit. TNCC will likely make a fine back-up if going off to the college doesn’t pan out. But let yourself be awesome and 18 for a second. Dwell in the moment for a moment.
  5. oceansofbliss said: Olivia. Go to college.
  6. consulting-angel posted this